The other day God burdened my heart to call a friend that I had not talked to for some time. I delayed calling at first, but the burden to call only got worse. The call was not for his sake, but mine.
I poured out my heart to him and bless his heart, he just listened. He was very careful not to come back with a bunch of religious platitudes. He even said, "I don't want to offer a bunch of answers, because they're not what you need." He was right on. I just needed someone on whom I could safely dump.
I thank God that I had a brother-in-Christ that I could call. The amazing thing is that over the past 20 years or so, we have been in contact only a few times. But I knew he was a godly man and one in whom I could trust. It was like we had never been apart. I don't understand that, but I thank God for it.
God's Word is so accurate that "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Pro 17:17) God knew that our lives would be at times in need of godly support, wise counsel, and loving understanding.
God has given me a wonderful wife, who is the love of my life, my friend and confidant, but there are times when I need a male friend who understands and can be a comfort (aside from the Holy Spirit).
How does one go about obtaining such a friend? Scripture gives us a clue. A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. (Pro 18:24)
I don't really enjoy being around someone who has a judgmental or critical spirit. They can be such a "downer." Do people like to be around me? Am I a friendly person? Have you ever known someone who, after being around them, filled you with joy? I desire to be like that.
When we part company with someone, we should ask ourselves critically "Was I a talker or a listener? Was my conversation positive or negative? Did I leave the person with hope and encouragement?" "Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel." Pro 27:9
When I am in a conversation with another individual, is my "brain contact" sharp or am I like a short circuit that drains the life out of the other individual? I can tell just by looking at the other individual's face. Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend (Pro 27:17) that is, conversation promotes intelligence, which the face exhibits. A dull knife only mars and tears. It does more harm than good.
Another issue to consider is timing and sensitivity. Always ask the question "Do you have a moment?" Or "Is this a good time to chat?" Avoid monopolizing the conversation. At some point it is good to quit talking and allow the other person to respond. Be a listener yourself. As the old saying goes, "The reason God gave us two ears and one mouth is so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
Obviously, avoid making contact at inappropriate times unless it is a real emergency "He that blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him." Pro 27:14
Lastly, avoid making friends with those who will drag you down into the pits of hell. We are in the world, but not of the world. Some people never grow in their walk with Christ because of the close friendships they keep.
This can be a difficult issue because we have to be around people in our neighborhood, at work and in other organizations where there is no choice. You can't keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair. "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." Jas 4:4
We need to be reminded that wherever I am, "I am in a mission field."
PRAYER
God help me to be a friend to someone today. Guard me from the presumptuous sin of feeling like I have to deliver "spiritual zingers" and solve all the world's problems. Help me to be a loving listener and that my words would be as the proverb says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." Pro 25:11
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